365 Days – Bella’s Story

My next post will be about writing, but today, I’m dedicating this post to Bella. 

It’s been 365 days.

In the beginning, when it was all so fresh, so raw, I tried to look ahead.  I tried to put myself into this place where I am now. I’d heard from many who understood, that one day, I’d feel better, but it would take time.  And back then, time was going so slow.

I guess this is why it’s so hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that a year has passed since we let you go.  You know better than anyone what it’s been like for me.  Just the other day I was on a run, and I realized this day was close, it was almost here.  I cut the run short because I felt so sad about you being gone for so long already.  And, because I hated the idea of putting even more distance of time between us.

So.  Here we are.  Today is the one year anniversary we had to say goodbye.  I can’t believe it’s been that long because some days I cry like you just left.   A few weeks ago, I started to think about what I wanted to say to you, and today, I’m here to say it.

It’s this;  I can still hear you.  I can still remember just how your body wiggled, and moved under my hands.  The softness of your tongue when you’d lick my face, the way you loved to play.   I still remember how you and your “sister” waited by the door and how you jumped and got so excited when we came home, so happy to be with us again.  I can still see you clearly.   I dream about you, all the time.

I remember you, as if you never left.  Only you know, how much we miss and love you.

When the body that moved at your single will

and the whimper of welcome is still, how still

When the spirit which answered your every mood

Is gone, where ever it goes, for good,

Then you discover how much you care,

And give your heart to a dog to tear

                                          ~Rudyard Kipling~

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