We used to take trips to Maine every summer, which is Mom’s home state. That trip was the highlight of the summer months. We always left in the evening, around 6:00 p.m., after Dad got off work. Mom would have spent the week before packing and making sure everything was just so. When Dad got home, he’d load up the car, and my brother and I would grab our pillows off our beds, and crawl into the back seat, both of us talking non-stop. Dad would drive all night, staying awake by taking “No Doz” smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee from a thermos. Eventually I would fall asleep, and only wake up if we stopped for gas or at one of those shiny diners, where we’d go in and sit on pastel colored bar stools. My parents would order more coffee, and hot chocolate for me and my brother. We would stop in Connecticut the next morning, spend the day and night there with an aunt and uncle, before we made the last leg of the trip to Maine.
Dixie and her family have traveled north too, except, unlike us, this is a place they’ve never visited before, where they will meet relatives they don’t really know. They are going to New Hampshire, their own Mama’s home state.
CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR
Mama wanted to visit all her old haunts, all the places she’d been growing up.
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Another fantastic first sentence, Donna! And I love it when you tell us about your childhood as well. You childhood fascinates me… <3 <3 <3
Thank you Lilac! I thought I ought to do something to add a little bit to these sentences…especially this one – it’s rather “dry” and not so exciting. Not that my childhood was either…but. 😉 <3 <3 <3
It’s always interesting to see your choice of words. “Been” strikes me as the interesting choice here. There are lots of other ways you could have spun the sentence, but sometimes — like here — the simple way is the best way to tell the story. Especially because of which character is telling the story. A different character might’ve used a more active verb, but this choice keeps things in Dixie’s voice, right where you want the reader perched for the story to unfold. Good work.
I’m going to be tempted to email you my WIP when I need a critique. 🙂
Anywho – you’re right. I could have written it a lot of different ways, but this did stay true to Dixie’s voice.
Great observations!